Being a perfectionist is a bitch – AKA cookie dough is not a real flavour

Finish. The. Job. Please!

I can vouch for the fact that being a perfectionist sux. And cookie dough ice cream? Not a real flavour. There. I said it. Shoot me. It’s LAZY. Cook the cookies. FINISH THE JOB, PEOPLE. How can you make a flavour out of something that’s not even finished? All the half-finished, half-baked stuff being marketed and worshipped is pushing all of my control-freak buttons.

I have numerous examples. Magic Mike. A half-finished, half-baked movie plot that was filmed and dashed off to screen as good enough because it looked pretty. (Really, really pretty – even though Matthew McConaghey should earn some kind of award for personifying perfectly the creepiest of creepy old-dude strippers). I don’t want to spoil it for you if you haven’t had the pleasure yet, but let’s just say, people with drug-related issues at the end still had them, had not developed any maturity, and were headed relentlessly on a path to destruction. As a sub-character, I guess this didn’t matter. The lead character? Well, if you get a girl, I guess your financial woes and existential crises and future career direction also needs no hint of a resolution. But, NAKED. And PRETTY.

Magic Mike – a half-baked movie… not that it matters.

Cookie dough? A flavour that is marketed and sold in icecream form even though it’s RAW DOUGH and not a real flavour, un-cooked, un-finished, just because it tastes good. Fifty Shades of Grey? Two cardboard cutout characters, undeveloped and unedited, sent to market because the market was ready, because it was a book about naked, and we buy naked. FINISH THE JOB, PEOPLE.

Ooooh, actually – I think I’ve just disproved my own theory, for marketing purposes anyway. Don’t finish the job, because naked, unfinished, sells really, really well. Perhaps I’ll stop getting dressed each day and my family will start to worship me …

Perfectionism’s a funny thing. Perhaps funny’s the wrong word. It makes me very hard on people, and even harder on myself. Not much is amusing there. The strange part is though, that it picks and chooses the parts where it strikes. Domestically, I am the antithesis of a goddess. A god-thesis? There’s a threshold, and when the house hits it, I’m like a dervish until it’s back together, but trying to work and sort the kids and do it all, something has to give or I’d combust. I do, fairly regularly, but I realise I can’t bake cakes in an apron as well. So, no Bree for me.

In other areas though? My work needs to be literally, to the letter, PERFECT. I’m an editor. Writing for me though is like a freefall. I’m not an editor when I do that. The perfectionist is in the kitchen making coffee (for someone else obviously! Bitch! Why didn’t she bring me one?!) Sometimes I think it would be such a relief to let it all hang out, and then I go back to being cranky at the people who don’t bake their biscuits. You wouldn’t eat your popcorn raw, would you?

I am alone in my crankidom? Is crankidom even a word? Do I need to chill out – are some things just better left unfinished?

23 thoughts on “Being a perfectionist is a bitch – AKA cookie dough is not a real flavour

  1. If you’re ever thinking about drinking ‘cookie dough’ flavoured milk DON’T – synthetic cookie dough is THE WORST. I used to be a pedant, and then I ran out of time. Occasionally I’ll snap it back on though and scare unsuspecting people :)
    Enid Bite’Em recently posted…EVERYBODY LOOK NORMAL!My Profile

  2. Great post Kim. I wish I was more of a perfectionist. In fact, it’s my greatest imperfection…I am not a perfectionist. I am pretty sure my editor dislikes me, and my lack of perfectionism. But I am other things, so that’s OK.
    Never thought about cookie dough ice-cream that way. I don’t think I’ll order it in the future ;) Zanni @ Heart Mama x
    Zanni, Heart Mama recently posted…Interview with Mem FoxMy Profile

    • Oh Zanni, don’t EVER wish to be more of a perfectionist! You’re perfect as you are. Please order away and keep cookie dough ice-cream alive, for all the positive non-ranty-pants wearers out there like you!! :)

  3. I feel like I have missed out on all sorts of things – no cookie dough ice-cream, not seen Magic Mike and not read 50 Shades of Anything !!!! But love how you managed to get them all into a blog post !!!
    I am a bit paranoid about spelling and grammar – not that I am an editor – I just hate bad spelling and grammar !
    HAve the best weekend !
    PS – thanks for stopping by my blog
    Me recently posted…Things I KnowMy Profile

  4. Amen to all of that. The Magic Mike, the 50 Shades of Sh*t, the cookie dough. And I’m an absolute perfectionist, demanding a thorough and correct effort from everyone…except my own blog where I write at random, and my own housework. Just, yes.

  5. Wash your mouth out Kim. I will not have you speak ill of cookie dough icecream.
    I’ll concede Fifty Shades is poorly written. My Sister in Law threatened to send me the bill for her wasted time after I posted her a Magic Mike DVD (haven’t seen it myself, it was a joke gift). BUT, I will defend cookie dough to the death.

    TAKE. IT. BACK. :)

    Amanda x
    Amanda @ Cooker and a Looker recently posted…this is not a love song (or a fish recipe)My Profile

    • Lol I’ll tell make you a deal. I’ll dedicate all the cookie dough icecream in the world to you, if you do yourself a favour a watch Magic Mike. With the sound down, if you have to.

    • I haven’t read Fifity Shades either – I’m a conscientious objector. As for the cookie dough – you’re missing nothing, but Magic Mike? You are most DEFINITELY missing out. My husband put it on thinking it was a kids’ movie … (not that I asked him to download it or anything … ;) and my big girl goes ‘Daddy! There’s naked men!’ I forgot to tell him it’s not that kind of ‘magic’.

  6. My trouble with cookie dough flavour is that there are a million different potential kinds of cookie and yet the flavour for ice cream purposes is somehow uniform. And don’t get me started on 50 Shades. My usual level of pedantry makes it hard for people to take me seriously when I try to express just how badly written those books are. The first one would be half its length if they’d edited out a few incidences of ‘holy crap’. Well, now you’ve got me all cranky just before school pick up time ;)
    Lara @ This Charming Mum recently posted…On sticky situations and bright ideas (review and giveaway)My Profile

    • Ahhh… Lara – my fellow pedant. I don’t try and complain about those things in real life because I can do it here where somebody will listen!! :) Sorry to get you cranky before school pick up – now you’ll go and notice all the really bad parking ;)

  7. First time visitor and I loved your entertaining rant! :-D

    Perfectionism, I know something about. It’s taken a husband blind to clutter and two little kids to warp me. But….I have a threshold too and when it hits, naggy old me does the dervish dance too, while hubby holds back the kids….”Out of the way! Mummy’s “busy!”
    Veronica @ Mixed Gems recently posted…Forever connectedMy Profile

    • So glad you stopped by :) I hear you – the warping has to happen or we’d lose our minds. Was great to (sort of!) meet you the other day – I didn’t get to talk to everybody at the DP drinks! Next time!

    • I know – America, Shmeschmerica with its dough and its cookies. I bake biscuits. (*cough bullshit). Please DO start that blog!! And when you do, make sure you slip me the link, K?

  8. I have to disagree with you on this one. Cookie dough ice cream? For the love of god just enjoy it! Magic Mike? I don’t give a shit about the story line, a fine man who can dance is enough to keep me entertained. Superficial? Perhaps. But life is short. Too short to ignore raw sugar products and hot naked men.
    And crankidom is so a word. Own it.
    Kelly HTandT recently posted…When Bloggers MeetMy Profile

    • But if they BAKED the cookies first, the icecream would have crunchy bits in it. Much better. But hell yeah – can that man DANCE or what? Trust me – ignoring the hot naked men I was not. How much better would it have been if they were saying good lines too though? I’m building a tower of crankidom and climbing to the top!! Where I will shout FINISH THE JOBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!!!! TAKE OFFF YOUR G-STRINGSSSSSSS!!!!!!

  9. You need to be SLAPDASH and HALF-ARSED like me!!!!! It’s the new black. I am so far from a perfectionist it is frightening. I even made a typo on my half-arsed handmade wedding invitations. I put the wrong day on it !!! Like that’s not important. Actually, I could have done with an editor Kim…lucky everyone isn’t as half arsed as me or the whole world would be Fifty Shades Of Crap.
    SarahMac recently posted…The Slapdash Report: Election 2013 edition.My Profile

    • OH but it would be so much less hysterical if you were full-arsed. I LOVE that you got your wedding date wrong! Do you want to know that I got married on April Fools’ Day?

  10. I wouldn’t say I’m a perfectionist, but I still don’t really get the whole cookie dough thing either. Or Fifty Shades either, not that I’ve even bothered reading it. Some things in life you can let slide but if someone is trying to sell a product, I agree, finish the job.
    Ness recently posted…30 Years: A Fan RemembersMy Profile

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