You know you’re tired when…

I can sing this with my eyes. Yes – really. My eyes are like lasers. Tired broken ones. That don’t work. And are asleep.

I’ve had millions of forehead-smacking moments over the past few months and years so I thought it was time I shared. If you can nod and agree to similar acts of insanity, it may be time that you, too, found yourself the nearest bed. Get thee horizontal. Stat.

I’m so tired right now I feel the need to say it again in italian, for emphasis. Sono stanco morta. Got that? That man and I are going out on a date tonight – which is VERY exciting, given it’s about the first night out alone in close to two months. The best part? Sleepovers, which mean we get to come home and have sleep, which, as you know, is sex for married people.

I know things are reaching critical mass when any or all of the below top 10  WARNING! WARNING! moments occur:

1. You meet someone on the street and get trapped in the conversation greeting loop. Awkwardness ensues:

‘Hi, how are you?’

‘Good. How are you?’

‘Pretty good thanks. How are you going?’

Oh. Oops.

2. You have a shower. You wash your hair. You get out. Oddly, your hair feels gross all day. Either:

a) you forgot to wash the shampoo out

b) You washed your hair only with conditioner

OR: you wash your hair, then you try to comb it and get stuck with a comb that you can’t remove from your matted seaweed kelp-like tresses. Classic error. You shampooed twice instead of conditioning.

Hopefully it doesn’t quite come to this …

3. You put on your kid’s dressing gown that was hanging behind the bathroom door because it looks just like yours, and instead of realising you’re an idiot, you get really upset at yourself for shrinking a whole load of clothes in the wash.

4. You sprinkle coffee instead of brown sugar on your kids’ porridge. You will pay for this.

5. You put stinking dirty gym clothes into the dryer instead of the front loader for washing, and wonder why they smell so very bad when they come out all hot 30 mins later.

6. You do a Kelly (from Handmade Tears and Triumphs) – thanks Kel! and wear your undies inside out. You may or may not notice this before the end of the day. Are you wearing your bra backwards too? Then you are REALLY in trouble. You might need some kind of retreat or holiday.

7. You throw the clothes in the bin instead of the washing basket.

8. You put the potato and carrot peels in the dishwasher instead of the bin.

9. Finally, you are OUT. You’ve bought a coffee. You are sorely disappointed when it tastes horrible. You return it, claiming the milk must be off, though they promise it’s within date, and your friend’s tastes fine. Ten minutes later, you realise you’ve added salt, rather than sugar to your beverage.

Big mistake. HUGE.

10. Laryngitis. You know that song ‘I can sing a rainbow?’ Listen with your eyes, listen with your eyes…. In this case, however, you parent with your eyes, and dance everything you feel. This works AWESOMELY – like crap. Should parenting really be a verb anyway? Blah blah, polka dot polka dot, chocolate doona.

Parent with your eyes, and dance everything you feel …

I have done all of these things (except the bra). I’m not ashamed. What’s more important is that we hold our heads high, own our face-falls, and know that, “I may be indigent in name, position, and in appearance, but in my own mind I am an unrivaled goddess.”

We are all gods and goddesses. We just need a little more sleep.

xx

[Quote – Muriel Barbery – The Elegance of the Hedgehog]

[Photo credit: Patricia Alvarez in Kath Fries’s art installation, 'Clothe the Wold and Meet the Sky' 2011; CNN.com - Eatocracy; Pinterest]

17 thoughts on “You know you’re tired when…

  1. Pingback: The female midlife crisis – a year on | Falling Face First

  2. LOL! These are classic. I wear my undies inside out all the time!

    One time I had my mobile phone in the shopping bag and had put it straight in the fridge. The weird thing was, I didn’t even realise it was missing until I went to get a snack out of the plastic bag…the next day!
    Grace recently posted…Happy 3rd Birthday, Twinlets!My Profile

    • In that case, Dr Frost prescribes you a block of chocolate, and you need to then run to bed, stat. I suspect our heads might blow off like those Stepford wives otherwise. Can’t have that. Messy.

  3. I remember trying to open my front door with automatic car key button – standing there, pointing the key at the house door and furiously pressing the button not understanding why it wasn’t working. I should not have been on the road, I suspect. Get some sleep love!!

    • That’s hilarious! And a little scary …. It would be SO handy if that little button would open the front door though!! BTW – did you hear about bloggy drinks in Sydney on the 9th? Xx

  4. Very well written for someone who’s so tired, ha. The things we do, I’ve done some of those plus a few others of my own – although I never blamed it to lack of sleep, more to the distraction that is being a parent.

    • Thanks Peggy – its true. Sadle I think your brain and concentration-span never fully returns PK (post-kids). I’ve been living in hope for 5 years now.

  5. Oh man I would kill for more sleep, I was sorting out the kids (3 under 5) lunch and realised I had just thrown the potato peeler in the bin, along with the pasta I had just cooked for them. One time a nice old lady came up to me and told me she could see my shirt tag. And I’ve totally washed my hair in condition! I look forward to reading more from someone who sounds a lot like me! Found you via FYBF – Emily x

    • Phew Emily – very glad to hear its not just me, the question for me is always … How badly to I want that fork I just threw in with the leftovers?? :) x

  6. I’ve gotten into the passenger side of the car once. And wondered where the steering wheel had disappeared to.
    Lucky I did – it was what I needed to realise I probably shouldn’t be driving anyway!

    And an add to number 2 – it may also mean that you’ve wet your hair ready to wash… and then just not washed it. Which I may or may not have done before.

    • Oh wow. Thats a little frightening. I have nodded off at the traffic lights before now… Dodgy indeed. Good point on the ‘wetting the hair’ form of washing too… Been there!

  7. Hahaha, I’ve done the salt in the coffee! Just when you need one most, you can’t even do that properly! If only someone had told us that there would be (so many) days like this ;-)

    • I know Ash, and i should add to this – that when you can’t even publish your blog post to stick on your home page, you should probably just give up!!!! ;)

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