Word Vomit from a woman on the edge

I have no time to write blogs. I have no time to write Facebook updates. I have no headspace to do anything other than everything, but I need to vomit some words at you, so if you’re here, reading, please forgive me. I’m cleansing. wHERE THE HELL is the Poppins person who is going to stop me from losing my shit completely?

In classic time-poor lazy girl style, I’m going to bullet point this post. You can leave now if you want.

  • I am working all the time
  • When not working, I’m feeding or washing or doing kid’s homework (my Mathis us getting good) or stopping my kids from tearing each other apart with their vicious 5 year old girl words. They may not let each other use the purple texta or play with the unicorn tomorrow, and I couldn’t bear that.
  • I went camping on the weekend. It was not glamping. There was a toilet but it was so far away I had to pee in a bush at 2am.
  • Don’t tell anyone I peed in a bush
  • Suspect others peed in the bush cos it smelt like wee.
  • Like I said, not glamping, but beautiful, beautiful view of Lake Macquarie from our site.
  • Despite tranquil spot, I have no clue how to relax.
  • Storm came through that was so mental it blew our steaks off the table.
  • Found steak the next morning in a box, next to a mug of red wine. Wept over the loss.
  • Not really about the weeping, but the rest is ALL TRUE.
  • Campsite told me to develop ‘shower tips’. I’ll give you 4 minute shower tips. Go in one shower for 4 mins, then the next shower, then the next shower. Make friends in the process if you really have to. Showers are my LIFE.

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  • This morning I put a dirty school uniform through the dryer to ‘iron it’ and ‘freshen it up’ because my house and life is such a mess.
  • I am going to FIJI in 4 sleeps.
  • There is a swim up bar, where I plan to sleep.
  • I will buy bikinis everywhere with gay abandon, saying ‘ooh this one will match my Mai tai perfectly’, and ‘the colours in this bikini will really set off my frozen margherita’.
  • Am denying reality that kids will be with me with sunscreen in their eyes and sand in their mouths.
  • I am still drinking green smoothies and they taste GOOD so shuttup.
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Woof says Herbie. This is not Fiji.

 

THIS is Fiji.Look out, Fiji bar person.

THIS is Fiji.Look out, Fiji bar person.

xx

8 thoughts on “Word Vomit from a woman on the edge

  1. You do worry me a little. One of my bosses (I have a couple of different part time jobs) is a psychologist. She drove herself so hard she gave herself an auto immune disease just from stress and fatigue. She suffers for it quite badly at times. Just sayin – no matter how important stuff is you have to take time to self care too, or eventually your body will do it for you…

    As for glamping. Hah. I remember being in Scotland, on Loch Lomond, near Balmaha, in my pre- kids days when I was dating a muso. The whole band went, those who had kids and dogs took them too. We took lots of bevvy (grog in Australianese) and kept it in the loch to keep it cool. In the middle of the second night I had to empty my cider filled bladder. There were no toilets, such luxuries were outwith our financial reach. Unfortunately, the little schitzu Joan had brouht with her had decided to live up to its name and I stepped on dog poo as I staggered my way back to our tiny tent.

    Being pished, with a sore heid and freezing as one can only be semi deshabille outside in Scotland I decided to just leave my foot sticking out the bottom of the tent and let unconsciousness take me. Not my finest hour. Unfortunately, my boyfriend woke up to the terrible, terrible stench as I tried to adjust the covers around me without moving my left foot from the doorway.

    “What’s that fucking smell?” quoth he. “Dunno” I murmured. “Is that you?” he asked, incredulous and getting louder “Ya manky tart, why is your foot sticking out of the tent?!” “Aw, Stuuuaaarrrtt…” I mumbled, trying to bury my head in the blankets. “Get out! Have you got SHITE ON YER FOOT?! Go and wash yer bloody foot woman!” So I dipped my protesting toes in the icy waters of Loch Lomond around 4am, scrubbed them clean and limped back to the tent, where I stuck my iceblocks on his protesting nether regions.

    All things considered, peeing in a bush is quite ladylike, if you ask me :D

  2. Oh man, I have always wanted to stay somewhere with a swim-up bar so I am totally jealous of that bullet point! I wouldn’t even need a villa, I’d be happy to just be there 24/7 for the entirety of my trip!

    As to the rest, I say Boo! Especially working! And peeing in the bush. You should have taken one of the portable camp toilets I used while our bathroom was being renovated, it’s probably about an eighth of a milimetre step-up from peeing in the bush!
    http://www.kyliepurtell.com/2014/02/10-things-you-need-to-know-about-kylie.html
    Kylie Purtell, A Study in Contradidctions recently posted…Top 5 Activities for 2 Year OldsMy Profile

    • I’m planning to be drinkly and wrunk. Wrinkly and drunk, or something. I will quite possibly be sleeping in the pool too! Who needs a bed? Ooooh camp toilet sounds pretty luxurious actually, and something to keep in mind when we hopefully do our bathroom later this year. I’m going to be checking yours out for decorating tips my dear!!! ;)

    • I also washed my hair with a can… Does that contribute bonus points? Or detract cos of the can landfill? Hmm. I so am anyway by virtue of the peeing alone. If only it were citrus that campsite would have oranges and lemons growing like crazy by now. X

  3. Leans in and whispers – ” I have peed in the bush too”. Meanwhile you jet setter you! Some of us dream the dream by posting gratuitous travel porn on our blogs others live the dream. Happy bikini clad cocktail sipping to you.
    Mumabulous recently posted…Your Inner VoiceMy Profile

    • Thanks mate. I’m hanging on for this break with the tippy tips of my broken nails. I’m enjoying your travel porn btw. Soul bush peeing sister, I shall drink a cocktail at said pool bar and toast you.

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