All has been quiet on the Face First front. Apologies. I was felled like a big tree with one of my ‘speshal’ migraines. They make me speshal indeed. Can’t talk (except in gobbdleygookese), can’t walk, can’t think… and being a doozy, I’ve been out now for a couple of days. It’s ok. The recalcitrant left leg and hand are making a slow and reluctant return, and the brian fog is lifting. The neuro said to embrace the couple of days of stupidity and take things easy. So – here I am – sharing with you the insights and flights fantastic of my stupid mind! Sharing is caring, and I care, so, so very much about ewes all.
So join me on an adventure into post-modernism, wishes as horses, and fleeful fanciful flits into the things that we WANT. That would make our lives EASY. That we want NOW. Listen up inventor-people of the world! Today I’m a futurist. My mind is cast adrift, floating in a a sponge cake sea of sherry-soaked trifle. My words are likely to be PURE, UNADULTERATED BULLTWADDLE. And 10% inspirational (if you live in New Zealand and like clouds, as I’m writing from my castle on one).
First up, we all need brain dongles, like they have in Avatar. You know, those ponytails of tendrils they hook together to make ‘connections’? I believe to Avatar-nerds they are actually called ‘neural queues’, but I’m sticking with brain dongle, since I’m lazy, I’m not an Avatar nerd, and a quick google turned up some weird kinky Avatar stuff that would BLOW YOUR DONGLES. If we had these though? Ahhhh. Communicating by simple plug-in would be so much easier than it currently is by, say, SPEAKING, which is ridiculously hard, and open to so much boring misinterpretation. For example, exhibit A: ‘I laugh you’. ‘OH, it’s so good to hear. I love you too!’ ‘Oh. Um. No, I mean I laugh you. Like, I laugh at you. You funny. So sorry. My english not so good yet.’
Also, sidebar please, HOW VERY GOOD is the word dongle? Dongle, dongle dongle. It’s in my top ten desert island words. (Here is my excuse to insert a gratuitous picture of John Cusack, because he was all about his Top 5 desert island everythings in High Fidelity, and ‘obscure’, ‘gratuitous’ and ‘digression’ are my first, middle and last names today.
I know I’ve been here before. But you, Kim Face First, are in my desert island Top 10. I had to come back and offer you a scotch. Rocks?
Exhibit B: If we had brain dongles, we could just plug our thoughts in to each others’ ponytails, and there would be NO confusion about the point I’m actually trying to get to in this waffling wandering post here. You would FEEL ME. Even without my obscene overuse of capitals. At a more mundane level, there would of course also be shopping list by dongle. Look at your pantry. It’s missing? It’s replaced, next time your shopping is delivered, because you clocked the item’s absence.
Do you know what else I want what I really really want? I’m gonna tell you what I want what I really really want. (It’s not a zigazig ha – because nobody knows what that is). It’s an eye makeup machine. Have you seen the Fifth Element? With Bruce Willis and Milla Jovovich? I loved that movie so much I almost called my daughter Lilu till I was overruled. Leeloo (the ‘official’ spelling) picks up a machine like an old-fashioned viewfinder, and POOF! She has a face of makeup on. You will note, it’s CHANEL makeup in the future, daaahling.
Just imagine the possibilities!! Well, there’s only one possibility really. We could walk out of the house with perfectly made-up eyes, without having to sacrifice 15 minutes of precious sleeping, sleeping, or sleeping time! Simply genius! I’d like one in every colour please! Wrap them up! Put them on the account! It looks like they haven’t quite mastered the instant hat on colour-job in the future though. There’s a bit too much Wilma Flinstone going on with Leeloo for this particular girl. Instant hair though? I would like that too, please. Hanging out in the salon with an alfoil head is pretty ok, but I’d rather have a flat white at the beach with the dog if I’m taking a ‘time out’ (with added sprinkles of being choosy).
I know some things are better slow-cooked, and the enjoyment comes with the wait. Lamb, for one, and coffee. I don’t want instant coffee, thanks, or a pod-injection of caffeine to the eyeballs. Don’t want my meals by capsule. If some of the mundane can come out of the hurdles and hoops of the everyday with a little creative invention and fantastic bioengineering then, clever people GET TO IT. I want a brain dongle, NOW, please.
Am I the only one with Top 5 desert island words? And tell me, what is the must-have invention that will make your life easier?
[Image source: Avatar image - www.pandorapedia.com]
I’m in NZ and I like clouds. And I like your post. Sorry about the speshal headaches love x
Hmmm deserted island words… definitely not ‘moist’ (nasty)… I am rather fond of “fucktard”. It is just such an accurate description of certain peeps. You know?
I love top 5 lists plus I once alphabetised my CD tower thanks to John Cusack. How funny that I even owned a CD tower. (okay confession, my CD drawer is alphabetised) They were never big enough. On my bottom five desert island words is ‘moist’, even if its appropriate to the conversation I can’t bring myself to say it. It feels so dirty
Brain dongles are a brilliant idea, we should get Steven Spielberg and Bill Gates onto it stat. I’ve always like the matrix style of uploading information into your brain – literally upload it. So much easier. I’m glad to hear you are feeling better, although things can’t be too bad if the delicious John Cusack is still a big desert island priority.
xx
Thanks Lisa. Things will be seriously rubbish if I ever forget there is a John Cusack. Please, God, don’t let that ever happen. EVERRRRRRRR. xx
I want a machine that gets rid of my grey hairs without me having to sit in a salon for 2 hours. Just have it pop over my head – you know, like those retro hair curler dryers – and just voila! No grey hairs!
Sorry to hear about the migraines. Hope your brain feels better soon x
Grace recently posted…Wordless Wednesday – Finding the extraordinary in the ordinary
YES – or even at home, like a beanie, in different colours that you could wear for a little while as you got things done, similar to the eye makeup machine. GREYS SUCK! (yes, i do know). Thanks Grace. My brain is feeling much less squishy today xxx
Sorry to hear you’re not well. Migraines SUCK. My husband gets them sometimes but usually recovers in a day.
I like the idea of the brain dongle thing too. If only for the sake of being able to say dongle. Love it.
Get better. xo
Ness recently posted…I Thought This Bogan Would Be Better At Stuff By Now
Heheh I know Ness, and thanks. (I’m feeling HEAPS better today). I never tire of saying it. I even said it to my 4-year old today and she chortled. It’s just an inherently funny and awesome word. DONGLE DONGLE DONGLE! xx
Stopped reading as soon as I saw that picture. What is it about John Cusack? I think it’s his voice. (Which is so brilliantly captured in that picture…)
Brain dongle makes me chortle. Visit a thesaurus, switch the words, and we’d all be dickheads. x
Emily recently posted…Don’t count the hours of sleep you’re missing out on
I know. Who needs to read when you can look into those eyes? HAHAHHA i don’t need a thesaurus since I am one already, but you CRACKED ME UP lovely! x
Ah Avatar!Loved that movie. But I don’t think id like to plug my ponytail into anyone elses, eww! Id go for that instant makeup thanks. Also the nail polish thing is driving me nut too, oh and cloning as Emily said! #teamIBOT
I hope you feel much better soon.
iSophie recently posted…Embracing the last warmth
Thanks Sophie – feeling a million times better today thanks. It’s amazing how ‘normal’ feels awesome after such rubbish! I am SO down with the cloning thing. We’ll discuss ethics another day. Much, much later.
Deffo do not want anything that will enable anyone to read my thoughts. People get twitchy just with the words
John Cusack, such a honey. And I am sorry stuff has been difficult of late.
xo
Oculus Mundi recently posted…my heart’s in the highlands. and i happen to like the rain. wherein i try to convince myself not to feel homesick by talking about turds and wankers.
Thanks love. Getting better! Got two hands and two legs today
The beauty of the dongle is you just plug in only when you can’t be arsed speaking. They don’t get open slather. It’s just like the part you WOULD say, but don’t have to (says me, cos I am the inventor extraordinnaire (ess)!) Ahhh John C. He never gets old x
Oh dear. Sorry you’re having a bad time. I’ll send the Hems around to make sure times get even “badder” at your place. As for top 5 deserted island words , for me they’d have to be In-Fass-uation, Fass-eminate, Fass-cinate, Fass-ionate and Fass-tidious. My must have invention would be a computer/real world inter-Fass. (Sorry – I really am hopeless)
BTW – Lovely photo of Cusack. I looking into his eyes makes me not want to go to work. (I didn’t want to go anyway but…)
mumabulous recently posted…So Near And Yet So Far…
Thanks mate. Feeling stacks better today. 80%! I’ll still take Hems though thanks. Fass-ORF! Oh yes. Cusack for breakfast will do that to you. Happy work day! Take him with you
I want something to automatically remove nail polish and reapply. Ain’t nobody got time for dat!
And you think YOU have a problem with capitals! OMG! I AM PRACTICALLY CERTIFIABLE!
SlapdashMama recently posted…The public v private debate, or “Daft Punk is for weirdos”
TELL ME ABOUT IT! And with instant drying please! I’m pretending today that I’m sporting a fashion trend called ‘purple nails with white tips’.
Brain dongles… Only you!
I hope you feel better! The Lounge is open on Thursday and we need you upenatem!
Robomum recently posted…A couple of bags of lemons
The Lounge? Not a problem. Horizontal, vertical, semi-comatose… one way or another, I’ll be there!
Cloning. And forget the ethics, if you clone you are SWORE to secrecy, eg no one knows that you’re sending a clone out to do all the shit you don’t want to. And it’s so top secret that even Iron Man doesn’t know. Hope you feel better soon x
Emily @ Have a laugh on me recently posted…In order to survive as parents we must have no shame and turn a blind eye
YES. Brilliant Em. I need five Kims I think, on ice, ready to do my bidding! x