What body type are you? I am morph, man.

Body types, hey? NOPE I am not doing that body image thing. This is not that. I want to discuss those delightfully Matrix-sounding body labels of ‘ectomorph’, ‘endomorph’ and ‘mesomorph’. Such fascinating stuff on the interwebs. The home of such friendly terms as ‘skinny-fat’.

Do you know which one you are? I’m the ectomorph one, apparently. I’m long and straight and pretty-much boobless. Like a ruler. With hair. I’m the one that people don’t like at the gym because they think everything is all just chocolate cake and peanut butter with a spoon, and lying around on couches pointing at things with my long fingers. This is not my reality.

Before I explain, I’ll give you the rundown of the others so you can play along.

These ‘somatotypes’ were originally invented by some guy called William Herbert Sheldon, a psychologist who theorised that body types were somehow connected with human temperament types. Hmmm… kind of a long bow.

Ectomorphs: are typically characterised by long and thin muscles/limbs and low fat storage; usually referred to as slim. Ectomorphs are not predisposed to store fat or build muscle.

Mesomorphs: are usually referred to as an ‘athletic’ or ‘muscular’ build, characterised by medium bones, low fat levels, and wide shoulders with a narrow waist. Mesomorphs are predisposed to build muscle but not store fat.

Endomorphs: are characterised by increased fat storage, a wide waist and a large bone structure. Endomorphs are predisposed to storing fat.

 

Obviously, none of us (with the odd exception Kate Moss) are a pure and exact sample of any of these body types. Perhaps more obviously, Sheldon’s theories have today been thrown out the window as outdated and loopy. However – it hasn’t stopped his scientific-sounding names from being glued to a million-and-one weight-training and fitness websites on the interwebs. If you’d like to learn some deeper insights into your psyche, or perhaps some quirky personality traits, do read on.

Endomorphs, not only are you ‘globular’ in your general appearance (I’m afraid I don’t really know what this means, sorry) you also have a ‘specific skin texture and a particular shape of the head’. To me, that doesn’t sound too good. I’m picturing one of those pointy-headed blue men on Star Trek. Is this accurate?

Mesomorphs – an interesting fact for you. Since your well-developed muscle mass is distributed on the entire body, you may even be the proud owner of muscly digits. I’m not declaring a thumb war with you guys. You do have hair heavy in texture though. I hope that’s nice for you. Hobbits.

Some other interesting factoids I found about ‘me’ on the interwebz. Did you know ectomorphs have a ‘feeble’ constitution? I will bitch slap THAT writer. With my feeble-wristed slap. I am also apparently faking my height, since “The lack of muscle mass creates the impression that ectomorphs are taller than they really are.”

They can also tell my personality from looking at me. Genius. ‘As an ectomorph body type, you’re as delicate inside as you are outside. You’re often introverted, artistic, private and thoughtful.’ [EXCEPT WHEN I'M NOT] ‘Your skin may burn easily and you may suffer from extreme body temperatures. Your hair is often fine and grows quickly.’ YES damn ok. All this last part is correct.

I’ll tell you what else is correct? My true body type is MORPH. I might be naturally tall, but I have to exercise or I look like a slab of ciabatta. It’s hard to carry off a bit of extra weight if you don’t have the curves to slinky it around on. You just look a bit like a block of cheese. I tried this after high school when I went backpacking and discovered Europe and beer and cheese fondue. Granted, it was only 4kg but I had nowhere to stash it that looked good. It refused to sit on my bum or boobs. Belly button or bust (my jeans).

I just started on some new migraine meds the other week, and this little old ectobody whacked on 2kgs in ONE WEEK. While I realise 2kg is a fairly insubstantial amount, I would like to draw you a graph to illustrate the uphill trajectory of this trend over the course of a year taking this medication. I would like to, but I can’t, because my skills are lacking in the graph-drawing arena. I will give you a number though. In a month, I would gain 8kg. In a year, 104kg. On my currently 60kg 5″10 frame, they would have to hire a forklift to move me to the aircraft hangar where I’d reside, migraine-free, with the aeroplanes and baby elephants.

I stopped taking it though, so I lost the 2kg again. Thank god I have a body type that eats food, goes to the gym occasionally and sleeps. Rocket science, I tells you. Just like all this stuff on the interwebs.

xx

20 thoughts on “What body type are you? I am morph, man.

    • Those goddamn placentas have a lot to answer for. HAHA and the fluid!? I think I peed out about 6kg the week after I had my first bub. I am NOT JOKING. Sorry. TMI. but it cracked me up.

  1. I’m an endomorph trying to masquerade as a mesomorph with semi regular gym visits. I’m the opposite to you – if I put on 2kgs it goes straight to my boobs. Awesome you might think? Well no my rack is already DD and with extra weight it looks like they are about to climb out of whatever I’m wearing and attack innocent members of the populace! Plus I have to wear 2 giant sports bras to the gym. Sexy, yes?
    Rachel recently posted…The PitchMy Profile

    • Sexy, YES! I wear two bras to the gym too – only because that way it looks like I have some boobs. I’m too lazy to buy a sports bra so i slap a crop top over my normal bra. Seems to stop the flopping about. I was briefly a DD when pregnant. Good times. I loved those puppies.

    • I hear you. Ecto though I may be, I have magnets in my mid-region that want to build a tyre. Mmmm cake. You are distracting me, damn you Kyla!! ;)

  2. When I used to frequent the gym ( you know, before I had kids and couldn’t afford it anymore ) my trainer told me I was a mesomorph, which is a nice way of saying I’m short and relatively muscular!

    • Yeah. Who wants to be an athletic muscly hobbit that climbs mountains and stuff? It’s got to burn calories trying to fight our way out of our incorrect body exteriors, right? Rail against the casing!! Punch out your inner ectomorph!

  3. Kim, rest assured Chris Hemsworth adores your lanky model figure. He told Hiddles, who told Fass who told me. ;-)
    BTW – I think God was playing a joke when he made me. He took Kim Kardashians butt and fused it onto Kate Moss’ torso. Hilarious.
    mumabulous recently posted…Reality Blows – HarderMy Profile

    • Aww bless our boys. They are sweet to love us just the way we are. We’ll have to arrange a get-together. Chris and Fashiddles would get on famously I reckon. If they could stop looking at us of course. Pears? They are the most delectable of fruits my dear.

  4. Ha ha – I am an endomorph, but have to constantly work hard to stay looking like a mesomorph on the outside :) if I falter, the globular comes globuling :)

    • Ha I just just pictured the globuley-globules walking down the street and ringing your doorbell! Work. Hard. You have my hat cos I just took it off to you. I’m going to do some sleeping now. :)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge