There once was a girl who wrote blogs

January 2014, WTF?

So, I once was a person who wrote blog posts. December whizzed by without me managing a single word. Not really so somehow, I guess, with the concerts and daughters being singing trees and the working full-time and the present buying online (I am still feeling smug smug smuggety-smug) and the enforced drinking and merriment (yep, hated that). I couldn’t face talking about Christmas to myself, let alone put it into words here. Anyway, ’tis done. All’s well. See?

Making Christmas merry and stuff. With schnapps of course.

Making Christmas merry and stuff. With schnapps of course.

Now it’s 2014, and I resolve NOTHING. A pox on all New Years’ Resolutions. They are cruel torture instruments designed to set people up to fail. I hate failing. Do as I say, and not as I do, my sweet daughters. Oh, and try your best and stuff.

On holidays in Terrigal, with the gorgeous view of the skillion (if you’re confused – it’s a big hill) was marred by the little ants running up and down it every day like some kind of contest to make it on to The Biggest Loser. If my water pistol was sufficiently long range, I would have taken them all out. And on NEW YEARS’ DAY? Seriously. That’s just SO. VERY. OBVIOUS. It shows such a lack of imagination. Why is nobody deciding to learn archery? Start adult fingerpainting? Take a millinery course so they can create their own fascinator by next Melbourne Cup Day and have an excuse to actually ATTEND instead of toasting your kids with sparkling apple cider while holding ride-on pony races around the living room TV?

Freaks. Just lie down and give up already. STOP RUNNING

Freaks. Just lie down and give up already. STOP RUNNING

I’m too embarrassed to go to my gym until next week in case anybody thinks I’m one of THEM. Besides, exercise and walking was put on the backburner after a couple of days with so much beach telling me to make like a starfish and sprawl. I’m wearing an extra kilo as decoration around my belly button, but it’s ok for now. I ordered it for Christmas, with my ham.

Don’t think I’m writing this post as some kind of resolution either. Turns out I need some kind of splendid isolation or quiet to write, and throughout December I wasn’t even allowed to shower alone. There was always a small person in my thinking room, wanting to hang out some more. Hmph. It’s quiet as hell now though. THEY’VE LEFT ME. 

 

Bye bye family

Bye bye family

Terrifyingly, the girls have just left this morning to go up north for a week with That Man, the uncles, and my MIL, but WITHOUT ME, cos I have to go back to work. That Man has it under control, and they’ll have a ball, but my inner control freak is freaking. I’m scared of the missing, and I’m scared of the diabetes misbehaving. I’ll probably go to bed each night under a pile of second-best soft toys, and my 40 kg dog. Waaaaaaaah.

There is one thing I would like to do this year. It’s not a resolution. I just want to. You’ve heard of the whole mindfulness blah blah movement where you think really hard about every thing so you can be more grateful about everything and live in the moment? Well… I don’t think it’s for me. When the kids are fighting like there’s no tomorrow, I’m mindful that it sux. Being very mindful of the fact I’m eating a lot of peanut butter on my toast kind of takes the joy out of eating it.

My thing is going to be MINDLESSNESS. You can try it with me and report back. It’s pretty simple. You just practice thinking about nothing at all. I’m quite good at it already. I’m completely disorganised and have no idea when appointments are on. I sometimes miss them. I sometimes wake up and forget where I am. I often have no idea what day it is. On that note, what day is it?

In true feral holiday mode, I even forgot to have a shower yesterday. Can you smell me? Mindlessness. Winning.

Finally – to a special person who needs some reading fodder on the 6th January while she waits for the IV to drain – a 2014 toast to eating, drinking, being merry, and mindlessness. I hope this gives you between 1-3 minutes of reading material – the average time taken to read a blog post. Thinking of you.