The female midlife crisis – a year on

It’s getting better, this midlife crisis business. I guess the definition of crisis means it has to peak somewhere, then you come down the other side. Yesterday was my 36th birthday, so I pulled on my big girl boots and hit the shops for my Botox, my dermal filler, a good nail shellacking and a waxing to take my womanhood back to girl-land. Did I WHAT.

In actual fact, I hit the shops with my tired face, in my tired denim skirt and old singlet, to buy a SPARKLY spangly sequinned shift dress for my friends’ wedding next month, on sale, with birthday money. A free dress! That makes me feel a million bucks! And has room for dancing AND 2 helpings of dessert! Bite me, Botox. Then I had lunch and a glass of champagne with my mum. Who has time to sit in a stinky nail bar?

I feel like I have a purpose again. Last year I felt in the middle of nothing. Adrift. Half of many things, but a whole of nothing. Apparently I wasn’t alone, as it’s still one of the most clicked-on posts on this blog. I’m still probably in the middle of this crisis, but I think this is the fun part now, where I’ve stopped the sorrowful naval gazing and can get on with doing all the fun and age-inappropriate things, while embarrassing those around me.

I haven’t lost any of my flexibility, which is a blessing and a curse. Yoga teachers love me. Yoga students hate me cos I wander in sporadically then go all bendy benderson on their arses. But stuff also just pops out when it feels like it, and is starting to get quite achy when it’s not in the right place, now I’m older. Still makes for a good time killer to amuse the other team members when the team meeting takes a while to start. Oh – and a lovely photo for That Man to have on his phone of his wife on her birthday.



Now I’ve hit a new age demographic and the next tick-box on the form, I’m going to try a more subtle and veiled look in photos, to obscure the fine lines creeping in. Glasses and hair aren’t quite cutting it anymore. I need to incorporate a few props, and use the beauty of nature to my advantage. Kind of like this.

Looking so hot right now, ASOS girl. I'm taking notes.

Looking so hot right now, ASOS girl with your plant hat. I’m taking notes.

I got a skateboard for my birthday, and an awesome hoodie, cos my husband is sick of me stealing his. (The hoodie- not the board). Wanna see? It’s SO pretty. I think I’ll carry it around some places before I have to look stupid trying to ride it. In your FACE, birthday.

Very pretty skateboard. Still undecided if I'll ride it or just walk around carrying it.

Very pretty skateboard. Still undecided if I’ll ride it or just walk around carrying it.

Since the 35th birthday loomed large, MANY THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. But I made them happen instead of them just happening, which has helped with the disconnected feeling.  I’ve been interviewed on the radio (about this blog), done trapeze, put my kid in jumper pants when she had no spare undies, got a full-time job, ran away to Melbourne to a very rainy concert in the Yarra with my girls from high school, was waxed to look like an upside down Bruce Willis, swore off being waxed ever again, been inappropriate more times than I can count, visited Rachel from The Very Inappropriate Blog and Sarah from Slapdash Mama (my blogging Kindred Spirits) in Brisbane, and sung karaoke not once, but twice (if you count what I did on Saturday night singing…)

I feel much more in control, being so out of control. It’s a controlled, middle-aged lack of control. You have to book and plan these activities. Plan babysitters. Not drink during the week.  I have no porsche yet, but I’ve been driving That Man’s Hilux any chance I get, which is much more fun that the silver mumsmobile (Sir Forrest the Forrester). Clearly I’m not quite out the other side yet… thank God. I have a lot more irresponsible-making planned for the year ahead.

If you have any particular ideas for me, shoot them through, ok? I’m up for a challenge. Is anyone else living in midlife crisis land?