Welcome Loungers! Happy not-quite-Friday.
Have I mentioned I love food? I feel ripped off anytime someone suggests ‘brunch’. They stole a meal right from under me! Give it back, now! Today I’m planning my meals 10 years into the future (as well as thinking about my lunch). I’m a progressive little Vegemite.
So, what’s on the menu? You’ll need to promise not to hold me to this, because even visionaries can get it wrong occasionally. Back to the Future told us we were meant to have our hoverboards by last year, and it’s looking like we may in fact have a couple more years still to wait. Disappointing.
Anyway, without further ado I present my top 5 predictions for the food of the future:
1. Meat – from the printer, not the butcher
Did you know they can print 3D guns now that actually fire? Did you also know they can print replacement organs for the body? It’s only sensible, then, that they should leave Betsy the cow to graze in the paddock her udders un-muddled (umm.. though printing milk could prove messy. We may hang on to those udders) instead of sending her to the handbag factory. Instead, they can print my eye fillet. It’s all the rage on the latest season of Gray’s Anatomy, don’t you know. The docs are all fighting over whether the printing of a new hand or a new liver should take priority. (Tough call, that one. Hand needed to lift the wine glass… but liver needed to process the alcohol. Glad it’s not my decision.) Clearly an eye fillet will beat printing over the gravy beef, however, and we’ll all have champagne beef tastes on a printing budget, while the forests grow and Betsy moos a long and happy life. Everyone’s happy, except the unemployed butchers.
2. Insect sticks
Mmmm a bug barbie. Grasshopper kebabs at the night markets, washed down with a little grass juice. We’re health conscious MOFOs these days (no, silly, the 2025 days), and insects pack an energy and nutrient punch. And the crunch when char-grilled with a little soy, ginger and chilli? Delish.
3. Chocolate tubes
Remember sweetened condensed milk in a tube? Our mums would catch us sneaking it and snatch it from our mouths? Well, the health conscious future will make chocolate in a tube, but it will come from cacao nibs. Silken tofu and various other binders will give it a velvety texture, and it will somehow taste great, and be good for you. Not at all like the dairy-free gluten-free friand I ate the other day that tasted like glue. This stuff is actually yum-good as well as good-good. Remember kids, a squirt of chocolate a day keeps the doctor away!
4. Avocado milkshakes
Ewwwwww. I know. That’s what I say too. Ewwwwwww. But, as our gullets circumnavigate the globe, from China, to Thailand, then to Japan, India, Korea, Vietnam, Spain, authentic Mexican, and we’ve ‘conquered’ all of these cuisines, we’ll be looking for our next big flavour adventure. We’ve been doing the mole and agave tequila drinks for a little while now… I suspect the next unexplored culinary frontier will be Africa. And in Africa, they LOVE their avocado milkshakes. I know, I know. But hey, who would have thought balls of tapioca would taste so good swimming around in tea?
5. 100 year old Peat Bog eggs
You’ve heard how the Chinese eat their 100 year-old-eggs as a delicacy, I suspect? While not ACTUALLY 100 years old, they are some seriously BADDASSLY-preserved eggs. Think about how well the Peat Bogs of Scotland preserve things, like dead men. Remember the Peat Bog man? If a bit of good peat can keep a man who’s ?? years old looking this good, just think about the health benefits of preserving your food in a good bit of peat. Before you know it, everybody will have a nice sunken Peat pit in their back garden, and will be inviting each other around for Peat Pit Pickling Parties on the weekend.
I can’t wait. xx
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