Polka dot, polka dot, Kimbo circus.

It’s a pretty good day when you can fly though the air and be caught by a shirtless man wearing tights. I’m on a quest to beat back the looming midlife crisis that creeps with crepitus fingers into the whooping last years of my 30s. Adrenalin is my light sabre, and I’m using it to vanquish the forces of ageing. If you pop by here regularly you’ll have read about the drunken buzz I gained from belting out ‘Living on a Prayer‘ to a packed bar. This time I tried a more sober style of hit. It was even better. Trapeeeeeeeeeeze! Polka dot polka dot Afro circus!

If you want to shake up your weekend, here are a couple of little tips I picked up.

TIP 1: Be NOT hungover. A thumping heart upon reaching the top of the trapeze ladder is better than a thumping head. Try not to go to the rugby and drink until 1am the previous evening. Being upside-down is more comfortable without a headache. The good part is, the excitement and thrill will throw your headache out the window after the first 10 minutes.

I know, I know. This goes without saying. I have to be sensible most of the time, so on the rare occasion I go out at night, I am all jazz hands and wild eyes. A bit like a flying fox. It was Waratahs v Brumbies. Husband v Wife. We were in a box with many friends. A waiter was topping up my drink. We had big fun. It was hard to say – ‘oh…. I’m doing something mad in the morning so I’ll just have a water thanks’. So… I didn’t. Oops.

Head is thumping instead of heart. Oops.

Head is thumping instead of heart as I wait by the ladder. Oops.

TIP 2: Falling face first can be a GOOD thing.

YAY finally I’ve found my place! Did they really just say fall down face first and land on your belly? This is something I know how to do. I’m not saying I didn’t fail. Duh. I stuffed up quite a few moves, like the one where I accidentally listened to my inner 8-year-old instead of the dude without a shirt, and instead of tucking my legs back down straight from the swing, flipped them backwards over my head while still hanging on with my arms. It was extremely un-co, and I let go when I heard slight panic in shirtless’ voice telling me to ‘DROP’! Little does he realise my weirdo-contorto arms had no plans to pop out from the shoulders. Dislocated shoulder are for WIMPS. I spit in the face of dislocation. I later found out I did half of ‘skin the cat’ – I’m like, SO totally way advanced.

But I was supposed to fall on my face on the net. It was the superman move. We had to reach out like superman with our legs on, then let go mid-swing and fall on our bellies on the net. Not. Scary. At all. (She says, then spews though the net when nobody is looking).

TIP 3: Try to listen with your ears, not your eyes.

The scenery around the trapeze net is lovely. Trees and stuff. See?

Nice trees at trapeze school. Scenic.

Nice trees at trapeze school. Scenic.

TIP 4: When they say let go, LET GO!

I learned this the hard way. I wouldn’t be me unless I had a couple of fairly unique screw-ups this day. Last time I went skiing I managed to stab myself in the throat with my own ski stock. This is my special talent. I winded myself in the voice box and after I stopped going ‘huuurr’ ‘huuuur’ like a dying cow I decided to sit the day out with some frozen peas and the soothing warmth of schnapps. When I play tennis, I’m regularly belted by balls in the head, BY MY OWN TENNIS PARTNER. Just rude.

So fairly unsurprisingly, when we went to do the first trapeze catch, and the girl said ‘Legs off’ while we clamped each others’ forearms firmly, my contrary mistrusting knees said ‘You’re out of your mind lady – we’re staying HERE’! Thus our respective swings swung apart from each other, our arms remained locked, and I made myself just a little bit longer. Wanna see? Course you do.

TIP 5: Before you book trapeze, book your recovery massage.

Ninety minutes of ladder climbing, swinging by underused arm muscles, somersaults and unexpected core work will see you walking like a thunderbird if you don’t have access to a hot bath and some Tiger Balm (says the Thunderbird).

I finally got it right. I missed the backflip. Maybe next time. But this was good enough for me.

Would I do trapeze again? In a heartbeat. Would I run away and join the circus? Hell no. I’m petrified of clowns. It was such a buzz though. I squealed like a girl and climbed down shaking from the net. I’m sore but have such a sense of achievement. I’m after my next challenge but haven’t lined it up yet. Hit me with your ideas! I’m game…

To save you a little googling time if you’re down Sydney way and keen, I did this at Circus Arts – Sydney Aquatic Centre at Homebush, and it was $55 for 90 minutes.

Linking with Essentially Jess for IBOT



23 thoughts on “Polka dot, polka dot, Kimbo circus.

  1. Oh my god. So many things to love. These are my favourite moments/elements;
    1. The way you walk over the netting after you’ve landed. Kind of like John Cleese in the Ministry of Funny Walks
    2. The guy with no shirt. I mean HELLO!
    3. The end of the second video when I realise they are playing Daft Punk.


    You are my hero
    SlapdashMama recently posted…The Shake Report – Budgetvision EditionMy Profile

    • HEHE i was wondering if anybody would notice my crazy net walk. It was one of the most fun parts of the day!! Yes. We were having a boogy off-camera where you can’t see. And I had a little dance up the top of the tower to ‘Blurred Lines’ when that came on too, cos I couldn’t help it. xx

  2. I often read here Kim, but don’t always comment. Just had to say thanks for the laugh. The ‘I winded myself in the voice box’ comment had me in stitches!

    • You should Jess! Falling is one of the best parts – it’s the ultimate trampoline. And.. can i just say quietly… i’m somewhat impressed by my pelvic floor muscles ;)

  3. Sorry, I just can’t get past tip number 3 – what was your post about again? ;)

    Hello from #teamABS – oops, I mean #teamIBOT ;) xxxxx

    • Weirdly I think my hangover made me forget that I was up high. Or perhaps I can cross that off my list of fears. Just snakes are left now. And caves. Don’t like caves.

    • LOL thanks Rachel – that’s called me trying to hang desperately onto anything I can grasp with even my toes… looks quite convincing though! THe onlookers were bored parents… need I say more? ;)

  4. Next up…….6 laps of Wakefield Park in a V8. When do I book????
    Still sore today and laughed and laughed when you brought back the memories of the stock in the throat “ski patrol please”….made my tummy muscles ache even more (but in a good way).

    • HA I’m so glad you’ve been there for all my best fails Jo. It’s quite amazing I came away from this unscathed… without net branded across my face or something equally bizarre and stupid.

  5. Way-hey! Good for you! That looks great fun!!!
    Rally driving? Sand boarding? Extreme frisbee? Unicycle hockey (that’s a thing and the best surprise discovery I ever made!)
    Lydia c lee recently posted…FraudMy Profile

    • Awesome Lydia – you’re my go-to girl for un-bucket list activities (cos I refuse to call them that). Not sure how frisbee could get too extreme… but sand boarding? TICK. Unicycle hockey!?!?! Sounds hilarious!!! I’m game.

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