Newsflash: Girl who falls face first stands up

I haven’t written a blog post in 4 months. This feels like the confession of a girl who’s not Catholic. I REALLY feel like writing today though. I’ve got the mojo, but I don’t think Falling Face First is my home anymore. Let me explain.

I feel today like writing my usual type of post. My usual ‘my husband talks in his sleep about putting barcodes on the dog’ -kind-of-post. A men baffling me kind-of-post. About them having bucks’ parties that last longer than most weekends. About them going emotionally AWOL with work then LITERALLY bringing home the bacon. About not being sure if I want any answers, or if I like them better shrouded in mystery and a misting of beer. Because I like bacon, and bacon is better than answers. But instead, I’m not writing that post.

I’m wrapping up this blog, and moving to new premises. Here’s why.

Sometimes laughing at yourself and at things isn’t coping, but hiding. I’ve been doing a lot of it over the last couple of years. When I get hemiplegic migraines that make me lose half my body for a day or two at a time, I laugh at myself afterwards. I crack jokes about Weekend at Bernie’s while my kids put stickers over my frozen face. It doesn’t upset me anymore because it just is, but it’s a huge mess in our lives. I’m trying to fix the mess, slow down, and take as many stressors out of my life as possible. I needed rest, food, a different job, to gain weight, and to be present with my family without taking photos and jotting notes. So no posts for the last 4 months.

Tinygrass is dreaming

I got a better job, 4 days, closer to home. I’ve rested. I’ve laughed with my girls and watched Frozen 50 ten million times (not a typo. It’s a real number). I’ve napped on Saturday afternoon. I’ve read blogs and commented on Facebook cos commenting the other way is too hard right now. Had no hangovers instead of 5. Gone to bed at 9pm on many of those Saturday nights. Didn’t manage to gain any weight. Drank an amazing martini last night. I’m feeling happy and relaxed.

My just 7-year-old Little L, with Type 1 Diabetes, is sunshine. The diabetes is not. I make light of the coping, because we just do, partly because I haven’t had a spare moment to take a look at my unacknowledged grief. Somewhere under here I am very sad about the loss of her carefree childhood. The worry, stress, and the fact she will NEVER eat a mouthful without checking and considering her blood sugar and insulin balance and entering the carbohydrate content into her pump. Sometimes there are tears that catch me completely by surprise – I am so caught up in managing the day-to-day of her condition.

Pocket-sized package of wiseness.

Pocket-sized package of wise old woman. 

Instead of cracking jokes to cope, I’m dealing with the shit. I think it’s called being a grown up. It’s pretty boring and bullshit on the social front, but on the personal front, connecting with my kids, getting to know my husband between our Outlook appointments, and reading good books and having beautiful dreams, it really rocks. I didn’t really want to grow up, but now I think I am, I can’t be Falling Face First anymore.

I also have a pretty big project in the works. 

This is our logo. Do you like it?

This is not the last post. There are too many awesome people I have to yell my love to before I go. I just don’t know if I can hang out here very much anymore. I’m done falling on my face.

Watch this space for directions to my new place. You didn’t really think I could run away and just not write anything anymore did you? xx

 

12 thoughts on “Newsflash: Girl who falls face first stands up

  1. I’m a bit late reading this post! I literally just thought to myself, I wonder how ‘you’ are and I opened your blog to check in!

    Once again old friend, you have managed to reduce me to tears at my desk at work! You are a truly remarkable person who I feel enormously proud to know and love.

    I wish I could nip over to Sydney and give you a big hug!

    Miss you and your beautiful words. Lots of love, Issa x

  2. Actually really glad to hear this, I know I’ve intimated in the past that you seemed to be pushing yourself pretty hard. As one who kept doing that until I finally cracked and had an emotional meltdown, I am glad you are self caring and have more awareness than I did! I am glad you are not shutting down as I would love to hear from you from time to time, and yes I do like your logo, tell us all about your big project when you can.

    I do a lot of counselling type things now, study, workshops, volunteer at a kid’s organisation, and I work at a psychologist’s office and have surrounded myself with caring, attentive people. It might not be as much hectic fun as it used to be – but I can still have hectic fun from time to time and do self growth and all of that mature and sensible stuff too :)

    When our children suffer, good parents also tend to suffer terribly. It’s simply unfair, children should simply be able to have happy childhoods free from worry, but I am glad she has such a loving family to help her through it.

    I look forward to hearing your news again and am delighted all is going well with you.
    Hugs and whatnot,
    Alison

  3. Not really sure what to say except I’m wishing you all the good things. Your daughter is unbelievably gorgeous. What a sweetheart. I can’t imagine what you have to cope with. I’m glad you’ve been able to find those special moments amid all the worry and I’ll look forward to your big project. Hugs and best wishes. xo
    Ness recently posted…Happy Is The Way I’m Feeling…My Profile

  4. Oh, wow, my friend. You are making me think some thoughts now. Lots of thoughts. I want to make a farting joke but…somehow I can’t. I agree with Rachel. Exciting times. And a transformation of Kim the writer is about to happen…what will emerge from the chrysalis? ONLY TIME WILL TELL!
    Love to you little caterpillar…

    • THinking thoughts!!?? NOOOOOO stop! There is always room for fart jokes my lovely. I hope I can come out of the chrysalis a butterfly, rather than a moth ;)
      xxx

  5. Best wishes Kim for whatever the next venture will be! I have loved reading your blog and it’s ultimately a good thing that you don’t ‘need’ it anymore, although your readers will miss your humour. That photo is totally precious. Onwards and upwards (and upright!) from here x
    Lara @ This Charming Mum recently posted…Problogger newbie nervesMy Profile

    • Thanks so much Lara. I still so much enjoy reading my ‘friends’ blogs – not that they should be in apostrophes because I’ve met and connected with such wonderful, caring people through writing this little blob of internet space, and that won’t be something I move on from. That part I keep! I will really miss this place to come and dump my brain and connect, but I just don’t have the spare ME to give to it. xx

  6. Kim it sounds like you’ve had an emotional few months, but I do know what you mean. It’s so easy to get caught up in the social world and ignore the one happening right in front of you. I’m sure it must be so hard to watch your daughter do through so much worry, but with you to guide her she’ll get through it stronger every day. And a part of me has guessed the new direction, to do with diabetes I’m sure, let me know if you need any social media help etc, flogging new blog/business. Take care lovely and nice to hear from you xxx
    Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me recently posted…A never-fail recipe for Surviving Parenthood – Laugh Linkup!My Profile

    • YES PLEASE Em – indeed we do have a little diabetes-related product a-brewing, with associate website to boot. I would really, truly love to chew things over with you sometime. Of course between both of our other full-time jobs (well mine’s 4, but you know, HOUSE STUFF), I need a few extra hours in the day. But social media and flogging (and even contributing!) i would love.
      Miss talking in blog land. I keep reading (quietly.. ;) – I’m still there. Have a blast at problogger. xxx

  7. Wow Kim, brave, wise, funny and so very amazing. I love this post, I love that you’ve stopped falling face first. I’m very excited about what’s next for you. Much love my gorgeous friend x

  8. Mate, I wanted to give you a standing ovation after reading this. Coping is important – it literally helps you keep shit together while everything feels like it’s falling apart. But it’s just as important to know when it’s tube to STOP coping and start making your peace with the warts-and-all of reality. I’m glad to hear you are at this point, my friend. And I’m even more glad that you are happy xxx

    PS. Can’t wait to see more of the new project! Exciting times – and you will rock it so HARD :) xxx
    Rachel recently posted…List: Four things I wish I’d known about boys before I had themMy Profile

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