‘Auspicious’ dates – heralding a load of crap?

The 12th of the 12th of 2012, what have you done for me lately? Apparently you were supposed to be some mystical karmic oooh-ahhh date of significance. All you brought me was a day of shitpoo.

I’m sorry I can’t express it more mature terms. I could try, but it would sound like ‘on this day of December, in the 12th year of the 21st century, I was arraigned with torrents of excrement, metaphorical in origin, which may or may not have been borne of a cosmic nature, heralding impending doom and the end of our time, or in fact may just have been another ordinary day worthy of flushing’. Utter rubbish.

So the Mayans stopped making their calendar. Maybe they just got bored. Seriously, if you just had to keep writing down numbers, over and over, wouldn’t you find something else to do and stop? Just because the calendar on your wall runs out at December 31, 2012, doesn’t mean there won’t BE a New Year’s Day. Of course there will be, full of headaches and regret. You just need to go down to Westfield and buy your 50% off 2013 calendar, as soon as your vision clears. It’s not the Mayans’ fault they didn’t have Westfield.


This was my flushable day. It started with the dentist (again. If you want to see why this is AGAIN – see here). This is something of an ongoing saga for Little L, so some backstory: I hauled little L away from the last dentist who was about to extract the hurting tooth that had recently had baby root-canal, in the chair, telling me ‘every anaesthetic takes your child one step closer to the grave’ like she DIDN’T HAVE EARS. She was so traumatised from his treatment and ‘tap tap – yep I have to pull it out – here 5-year old girl, swallow a tablet goodbye’ I had to carry a sobbing child into this gorgeous children’s dentist last visit, while they gently coaxed her trust back. Too scared to be treated, we had to go back again today, while they did some safeguarding of some early decay on the top and had to put a filling in. Diabetes can TRASH your teeth. Who knew?! Not me.

Anyway, that done gently and nicely, we got on with the day. It went on in the usual as can be sometimes crappy fashion. Mini-fights, complaints, Mexican standoffs, whingeing etc. but then this afternoon playing up the road at a neighbour’s house WE LOST THEM. Little L and her friend took off out the front door which I hate them doing but they’ve done before to be cheeky, not telling us before they took off. I grabbed my bag and went to follow, knowing they are pretty careful when they cross our quiet road, but prepared for my ‘don’t do that!’ rant when we caught them up. We were chatting, saying goodbye while they had gone at 5-year old speed, so by the time we’d arrived in my front door and found nothing, and no answer, then raced back up the road to their place to see if they’d ducked around the back to trick us, hearts were pounding and parents were yelling. We were asking neighbours, yelling in the vacant lot, looking down the easement, and running breathless, of course thinking the worst… There have been reports before of cars trying to lure kids in the neighbourhood.
More frantic yelling, and they emerge, blessedly, sheepishly, from my house where they’ve been hiding in my bedroom. Hilarious. Starting to yell, instead we hug, so very relieved.

Recourse came later, and remorse, but little L’s remorse was extreme, and hysterical, with sobbing and screaming. Emotional outburst? Blood glucose check. Sure enough, she’s quite hypoglycaemic (very low blood sugar), and forgot (again) to mention she was feeling bad. Yay. Diabetes strikes again. Topping off a great day!

Just as she’s slowly climbing back towards the safe zone, above 4 and safe to leave unattended, a holler comes from the bathroom from little A: ‘muuuummmeeeeee the bath’s overflowing! Quick!’

Blessed I am. My cup overfloweth, as does my bath. The river in the bathroom was not too dire, and finally, all is peaceful as I lap my gin. I’m a spectacular human specimen today, and I’m high-fiving my superior and intelligent mothering skills. Not. Which is probably a good thing in light of what follows.

I watched a Stephen Hawking doco the other night suggesting that it would be a super-great idea (he didn’t use those words obviously, he’s a bit smart and sounds like a computer) if we looked for somewhere else to live other than Earth, what with the likelihood of it being smashed to smithereens by an asteroid, or being nuclear irradiated.  As he sensibly pointed out, INTELLIGENCE is not so important to survival, and may in fact be the key to our downfall. Amoeba and microbes have been getting by just fine for millions of years without intelligence, and yet dinosaurs with their tiny brains couldn’t make it through a little sauna time.

Potentially the key to our survival on this planet.

I think there’s something in this for all of us. Perhaps we need to get back to our petri-dishes of gin, and soak away our intelligence. Maybe then we’d stand a better chance of survival? I don’t know about you, but I’m not keen on a red-hot life on Mars in a spacesuit, living in a bunker on dehydrated peas. As far as theories go, this is probably not quite SBS-standard, and I suspect Stephen Hawking may poke a couple of holes, but it’s good enough for me after today, and I’m off to soak it away with a tonic or three, splashing in gin.

28 thoughts on “‘Auspicious’ dates – heralding a load of crap?

  1. Pingback: The best, the best, the best of me | Falling Face First

  2. Ok, now that we are on the other side of this end of days prediction (so called), I guess we are justified in our sarcasms, ridicules, and rubbishing of what we seem confident to be a false prediction of a rapture on Dec. 21, 2012, However, let us not loose sigh of what is ahead, the book of Revelation speaks volumes about the things we are to look for in the end of the world. These are events we cannot afford to be sarcastic about.

  3. Your ‘utter rubbish’ had me in stitches!
    You have earned your gin! I didn’t even realise that I missed 12.12.12. Damn hey, all of that end of the world bizzo bust flew right by me…
    Ever since I saw Total Recall I thought living on a different planet would be cool. 3 boobs and all.

  4. What a crazy day! I think you took a highly sensible course of action – any girl worth her salt reaches for the gin to regain her composure and fight away the gremlins, aliens and other general nuisances that attack her day. Cheers to you.

  5. It sounds like the day from hell! Definitely gin worthy!
    I’m so glad your little monkey was found safe and well….it’s a horrible feeling when your heart skips a beat like that. And dealing with diabetes with someone so young must be scary enough!
    Fingers crossed you don’t have another day like that in a hurry! :)

  6. God mumma misses champers. A light, delicate little bubbly with half a strawberry wedged on the rim of the glass to suck on later like the tequila worm at the end of a college dorm party.

    Before hubby and bubby’s, I was a big of a partyer, drinking, dressing up, drunken table top dancing in a pub where the bouncer let me get away with it for a goot 3 songs before kindly asking me to pop down, all because I was a regular. Now I don’t fit in my party frocks, I’ve got two daughters who chuck syncronised tanties, and I’m looking down the barrel of 30 with multiple mortgages, responsibilites and a freakin BEAGLE in the back yard. How did this happen???

  7. I actually lock my screen doors and hide the key so there is no chance of the kids getting out the door without me knowing…..it is also a security thing for me, I don’t know why but it makes me feel safe.
    Btw, Gin and Tonic is an essential on any given day. I like the way you work :)
    Becc enjoying #FYBF

    • Locking the doors is an awesome idea. I used to do that and may start again now they’re becoming sneaky in a different way! Peace of mind is a beautiful thing :)

  8. That’s horrendous (about the dentist). Your poor daughter … my 5-y-o has had 2 steps ‘closer to the grave’ gah! (what a thing to tell a child!) – with a broken arm and a tooth extracation (rocking horse accident). I hope you find a better one (maybe look for this first before the better planet??)

    • Mmm the better planet is FULL of kind and lovely dentists who are not trying to terrify young children. Rocking horse hey? Dangerous things they are. I will watch out.

  9. Oh I’ve had more days like this than I care to remember recently!! Maybe there is something in the stars…I too worship at the altar of the soothing evening g and t. Mother’s ruin they call it for good reason!

  10. I’m sure I was supposed to cluck sympathetically through this post, but I laughed. A lot. Sorry.

    Especially at that second paragraph. Pure, shining brilliance. Or pure, shining torrents of excrement? x

  11. Watch out sweety – the world is meant to end again on Friday next week. Brace yourself, stock up on tonic water and limes and let us know how it goes xxx

    • I know – there was much confusion among palindromists about the meaning of 12 or 21 – they seemed to think it didn’t make much difference and the world might end twice. Ah well it did already once, so I’m in the brace position already. xx

  12. That is an awesome blog post. It is utterly poo that your previous dentist was such a jerk, and that you had heart stop moments, and kid pranks, and early gin, but you expressed it so beautifully.

    As a parent I think we need a hallway installation… Red box, glass front, “break glass In emergency” with a frosty cool gin, tonic and slice of lime inside. We really do.

    • Thanks Victoria – your idea is GENIUS. And this is why I blog. So lovely people like you come along and I don’t feel alone in the crap and the gin x

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